American Movie Star

A simple "what if" story, well it happened for Cinderella!!

Not wanting to brag, but there is a good chance that I was once big in the US of A, indeed I’m quite surprised that one of my many readers hasn’t crossed the pond on holiday and returned with a souvenir tee-shirt or video featuring a picture of yours truly, although it might be a rather youthful picture, from a time when I had hair – lots of it!!  So maybe, many of you have walked past whole stalls touting me without recognising me.  In fact, as you read this, it might well cause one of those “that’s who it was” moments, having spent several years racking your brains as to who that handsome young film star that you saw wherever you went was, as you said at the time – “I’m sure I know that person!!” But, what I can’t tell you is what the tee-shirt caption might be or what nom de plume my adoring public christened me, because during the summer of my fame, amazingly I remained anonymous, which may be why your nagging “I know that person” wasn’t solved at the time with large banners saying “Roger Higgs inc. Old York!”.  Read on and I’ll explain all!

Many years ago, during my disreputable past, I spent a lazy summer in York, early in my teaching career, which had I been discovered by Pinewood and identified, rather than become anonymously famous in America, could have ended prematurely, with fame, stardom and fortune and I would never have befriended all my many and varied readers, although interestingly you would all have known me!!  It’s a bit like a riddle!  Alternately, if what I did had become known to the local constabulary, I might have been charged with a public order offence and similarly my teaching career cut short and you my loyal readers wouldn’t have known me, nor I you! Interestingly, I’ve just finished a great book (“Oh my Stars” by Lorna Landvik) in which the main character Violet, towards the end of the book is thinking about her long and productive life and thinks: “It’s not that I’m becoming vainglorious in my dotage; no, the more you live, the more you see that your story is interdependent on the stories of others,” sort of fits rather well!

But back to the summer of about 1980 in York, and my then impending fame!  Having just become jobless, a victim of redeployment, when there were too many teachers to find jobs for and those on temporary contracts might find themselves replaced by someone from another school that needed to shed staff, which is what happened to me, so being out of work and somewhat short of money, some fortune if not fame wouldn’t have gone amiss!  It’s not until you are without a job and income, fortunately an occurrence that only happened for one term in my teaching career, that you realise that very little in the world doesn’t cost something!  It narrowed down in the end to visiting the local County Library and making sure that books were returned on time to avoid a fine and walking, trying to tread lightly to save shoe leather, both of which I spent hours doing.  But it’s the latter that almost started me on the road to stardom and the “Walk of Fame!”

Much of my perambulation was around the streets of York, combining another favourite pastime of people watching, and it was this that led towards my potential public order offence.  One day walking close to York Minster on High Petergate, and heading towards then Young’s Hotel, now Guy Fawkes Inn, I spotted from a distance, an American pointing his video camera at the blue plaque that tells passers by that this is the birth place of the notorious Guy Fawkes, although as with much of history this is up for debate, Wikipedia telling us that he was actually born around the corner in Stonegate!  Arriving at the amateur cinematographer, I casually glanced at said blue plaque and it suddenly struck me, that hundreds of Americans would after the summer be returning home with many hours of home video, which in this the early days of this technology didn’t allow for simple desktop publishing and editing, so what you took is what you got!  Excitingly, said filmmakers would in turn have social evenings and instead of getting out the photo albums, it would be a case of draw the shades, pop the corn and invite around friends and family for a fascinating evening of lengthy blue plaques, information boards, views, old houses and building all complete with commentary, often of things that you could well read for yourself!  Ten minutes of a blue plaque saying Guy Fawkes was born here on 13 April 1570 at the same time as be told on the commentary that this is the blue plaque that is situated on the house where Guy Fawkes was born in 1570, and did I remember to mention that it’s in York, “Old” York not New York, that is in the old country, with a non too quiet partner picked up in the background saying “Ruben, you’ve told them that a hundred times already, honey!”  It was then that I decided something needed to be done to save the poor defenceless family and friends who would probably be too polite to say what they were thinking, if not too busy stifling a yawn to be able to utter – what utter rubbish, I thought the out of focus, sloping pictures from last year were bad enough, but this takes the cookie!

So, the plot was hatched and now every time I spied a rolling camera, it was a case of a subtle enter stage left or right, whichever could be achieved with the minimum of fuss, no leering at the camera, insipid waves with a mouthed “hi mom!” attached, or indeed geeky grins at camera.  No, it was simply a ploy to add a little human interest, nay simply to add any interest and some movement to give the unfortunate friends and family “back ‘ome” at least a chance to stay awake and something to comment on – “Fancy that dude walking in front of that interesting blue plaque, stopped me reading it,” then adding just in time to avoid the host from thinking they weren’t paying attention – “Good job you added the commentary!”

Therefore, over the following fall, as the nights closed in, the leaves started to change colour and fall from the trees and the videos were slid into betomaxes the length and breadth of America, it’s not hard to imagine the scene as the more unfortunate and popular friends and families were invited to numerous holiday video screenings, more and more of these unfortunates would suddenly sit up wide awake and notice someone they recognised, and later began to think they knew, walking across the small screen in front of them.  Then, in time, they would find a renewed interest in trying to spot; now what’s his name, and before you knew it I’d become a household “name” or at least well know by sight.  With one thing leading to another, a name would be plucked out of somewhere – look there’s Charles, William, Edward or some other typically Royal English name, you know that well known philanthropist who’s got nothing better to do all day but wander thoughtfully around! 

The fact that during the summer I managed to visit certain other tourist hotspots and continued my walk on parts wherever I went, meant that I received even greater coverage.  Before you knew it I had become a household name with a whole history built up around me by the simple process of Chinese whispers and the amazing grapevine; better than any mail system at transferring information, trends, topical rhymes, jokes, fashions and star ratings far quicker and more effectively than any other communication methods or media.  One thing then obviously led to another and people had “spot the philanthropist” parties and had tee-shirts printed from their videos, with captions such as “I captured Charles” on the front with a picture of yours truly and either a back view on the back, or comments like “Have You?” or “I’ve phildled with the philanthropist” Quite simply; A star “was born!”

Unfortunately, there wasn’t to be a rags to riches ending to this little “folk tale” as the next teaching appointment came along and took me to deepest Huntingdonshire, on the edge of the Cambridgeshire Fens, where the only Americans were from the local airbase, working in departments with wonderful names like “People Generation Unit” and who were more intent on shooting something other than videos!, so the film career finished almost before it started!  In fact as a young poor teacher, it was some time before I was able to afford to cross the pond, some 20 years to be precise, to visit New York.  Although, I strutted my stuff under the flashing lights of Times Square on Broadway my earlier fame had been extinguished like a candle, and the only flicker left was that of the lights on the giant advertising hording – I was too late to be recognised and to pick up the pieces, although thinking back I did get some funny looks!  Perhaps, these people turned to the person walking with them and said “Gee, I’m sure I know that that person!”  Maybe I should submit this to the “New York Times” and all those people would have their own “Gee, that’s who it is” moments and the whole thing could start all over again and although this piece perhaps should have been called “American Home Movie Star” it might then have to be rechristened “Hollywood here I come!,” after all as those of you who know me well will vouch for, I’ve always had my head in the stars!!!!