Little Green Men!

Seems like I’ve been away for ages, and despite the real feeling that the “writer’s block” might have been easing, all that I seem to have done is: jot down notes, collect snippets from newspapers and magazines and think about good story lines, the written word has failed to materialise.  Unless of course, the aliens or little green men below took me away!  I did say it seemed that I had been away for ages; just possibly it’s one of those time travel things where you go off on adventures and on your return find only a few minutes has elapsed.  If that’s the case, all I can say is it wasn’t very memorable or they managed to erase what happened from my memory!

But, that’s not to say that the spoken word has failed in the same way, and despite being busy with visitors various over the summer months, once the coffee has been served and the wine jug recharged again, there has been ample time to spin a yarn or two.  Funnily enough, the other day during one such yarn, I believe unwittingly, Linda came up with one of the age old “rules” of storytelling – namely that with each subsequent telling of a story, it becomes increasingly fanciful, particularly when the audience warms to the drama!

However, the following is not one such story, and not only is it true but also happened one misty spring morning with not a wine jug in sight!  But first some background!  Many of you will recall previous stories, or more accurately research opportunities that I have taken, when in large groups,   of particularly men, and admittedly often after a glass or two of something stronger that water, in this case necessary for Dutch courage, as the research involves asking the assembled men, some of whom may be only newly acquainted, whether they have had a sexual encounter with an alien!  Why, you might ask does such  a question have to be posed, well research a number of years ago, admittedly in America, but it does often seem that what starts in America often crosses the pond and arrives on our shores in due course!, concluded that one in four American men has had a sexual encounter with an alien!  So, by the laws of probability, allowing for standard deviations and such like (just to prove that in “retirement” the mind isn’t totally addled!) in any group of more than half a dozen men, it should have happened to at least one!  To date my research has failed to locate a single recipient, forcing me to conclude one of three possibilities: American beer is stronger than its English counterpart, English men are more discerning and as such the encountered were not memorable, or aliens prefer their men “arrogant and boastful” and more “believing in “supernatural and paranormal phenomena,” traits I should add provided for me from an American stereotypes website and not the views of the author, who initially came up with; “big, bold and brash!!      

Indeed, as many of you may remember hearing before, of a time when once again stone cold sober, I thought my “luck” was in or at least “my time” had arrived when walking one crisp moonlit December night on Minchinhampton Common above Stroud.  The light of the moon reflected on a newly constructed dewpond, making it appear to float a little way above the surrounding common.  If it hadn’t been for the bravery of Max the dog, I was all set to retrace my steps and return home a different way, but he ran blithely forward without a care in the world forcing me, with a fair degree of trepidation, not least as it was rather too cold to contemplate a sexual encounter, to go on, without which this might well have been a story of the night I witnessed an alien landing on the common above Stroud, complete with steps coming out of the flying saucer down which came alien women hell bent on encounters of a human nature!  That last bit illustrates the “rule” of storytelling mentioned above and is new for this telling!   

But, back now to the latest encounter, when again walking the dog, Fergus this time.  On said misty spring morning I was aroused from my reveries, by the frantic and rather apprehensive barking of the dog a little ahead of me on the track. He was backing off, heckles risen, but intent of whatever had worried him in the adjacent woodland.  This time it was me who strode confidently forward, after all Fergus was still a young puppy scared of all manner of everyday objects including his own shadow, large gnarled trees, branches blowing in the wind and ...... little green men, as this was what confronted me in a clearing between the trees and brought me up rather sharply, heart racing and a sudden chill down the spine.  As indeed, there not more than twenty metres away was a little green man, with a rather square green head coming from behind what must have been a crash landed flying saucer covered in forest debris from the accident.  As my breath returned I realised that the man appeared to be frozen to the spot and it wasn’t too cold, or maybe the atmosphere on Mars is much warmer than on Earth and he had failed to pack warm enough clothing!  Whichever, he was not moving and with a fair amount of trepidation I approached and realised that the man was holding some sort of weapon and was, when he had perhaps got in the way of some alien paralysing ray gun, been in the act of capturing another little green man who was standing in front of him with his hands raised. 

Surprisingly, they are still there now and I often say to Fergus on one of our regular walks, let’s go as far as the little green men!  In hindsight, I wonder if there had been an alien mutiny and the man being arrested had refused to “recruit” any further humans for extraterrestrial experiences and as he was being led away, the life forces emanating for the spaceship, faded leaving the poor aliens stranded.

Now no doubt, there are many of you scoffing, and as ‘er indoors will certainly say, Roger you’re getting madder!  But, this time I have photographic evidence see below, and for the believers amongst you, there seem to be at least two other overgrown spaceship crash sites along the forest edge, and having now told all I wouldn’t be surprised if the paranormal / alien tracking fraternity don’t descend on us en masse.  Then I guess it would be more jugs of wine and further stories to tell!  Visit us and guided tours can be arranged, and maybe I’ll try and puck up courage to see if there is enough power left to make them glow in the dark!!