“If I should become a stranger, you know that would make me more than sad.”

Dougie MacLean, Scottish singer-songwriter, composer, multi-instrumentalist and record producer

As I said in t’other blog (you can tell I’ve visited Yorkshire recently, where “tha noz tha's nowt so-queer as folk”, but maybe more about them another time when “our lass” isn’t watching!!), it’s been a while since anything has appeared here, and as it says in the title, part of the chorus of a wonderful song called Caledonia (about returning to Scotland), I’d hate to become a stranger!

So, for my return, in the words of “our lass,” her indoors or the trouble and strife; a little idle rambling or complete madness, albeit somewhat multilingual which I hope impresses you after my absence?!

What do they have in common?

We have started to recently visit a French friend to help us brush us our French; vocab, pronunciation, gender alignment (as regards le and la and un and une!) and the all important accents!!

Imagine my surprise then, when doing an exercise about music, musicians and musical instruments, when an everyday household, indeed kitchen object mysteriously thrust its way into the proceedings!

Suffice to say what do; Ringo Starr (The Beatles drummer for the youngsters amongst you!), Harry Potter who probably needs no introduction at all, regardless of age, due to “clever” advertising, Sir Simon Rattle (a famous conductor) and a hungry Frenchman all have in common?

Baffled as I was, it being the conductor in the exercise mentioned above?

Well, they are all in need of a baguette, in Ringo’s case a drumstick, Harry’s a wand, Simon’s a baton and the hungry Frenchman a loaf of bread.  Interestingly, when looking into this further in a weighty but somewhat old French dictionary, the loaf doesn’t get a mention, but several other meanings are listed:

a switch as previously used by a schoolteacher on errant pupils, a rod such as that used by Black Rod in the House of Commons, an usher in a church or indeed a water diviner, a ramrod for your blunderbuss (I did say it was an old dictionary!), the stick attached to a rocket, a glove stretcher and (answers on a postcard please, as this one leaves me lost for an explanation!), a clock (of stockings)!

It really isn’t surprising that we still feel that we, passer par les baguettes each time we leave the house and have to converse in French, and before you ask it’s not what we say as we near the boulangerie when we’re feeling a little peckish, it means to run the gauntlet!  I’m tempted to say it’s a fluke if you get it right:

Incidentally, Fluke can mean:

• A fish, and a flatworm.
• The end parts of an anchor.
• The fins on a whale's tail.
• A stroke of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some more of life’s little mysteries!

·        Why do “Indestructible Socks” only come with a twelve month guarantee!

·        Why are “Stoned Prunes” not guaranteed, they always work for me!!

·        Why in all the years of taking children away on school trips did I never have one be sick on the coach, if when they started to feel queasy, I sat them on a folded Daily Telegraph!!!  I have my own thoughts, but I’ll leave you to think up your own, again answers on a postcard please.

On this last point I’m reminded of two things; Spike Milligan’s cure for seasickness – sit under a tree!!  And, a recent article in the Kate’s Farm series in the Telegraph Magazine (I must point out here I don’t actually take The Telegraph, but “read” it when visiting someone close to me – I tried to explain, but they’re not for turning!!), talks about how she can merge two colonies or bees after one has lost its queen.  On the advice of their bee expert they put a sheet of The Daily Telegraph “on top of the brood box of the hive with the queen, poked a few holes in the paper and put the other hive on top of it.!  Apparently, “Each colony has its own distinct odour, and bees will fight with those from outside their own colony.  But by the time the bees have chewed through the newspaper, the odours of both colonies have combined and they believe they are one happy family.”

A week later it had worked, the paper was shredded and the bees happy with the stronger colony having a better chance of surviving the winter.  The article attributes the success to their bee expert and a copy of “everyone’s favourite broadsheet,” their words not mind!  Mine are more along the lines of the odour of said daily newspaper, or should that be stench! Add your “answers” to the postcards mentioned above!!   

Did you know?

Kit Kat is one of Nestle’s, and Rowntree’s of York before that, top selling brands, with 150 consumed worldwide every second!!!

And, the fact I’ve recently been in York is a pure coincidence!  This came from an article where certain types of Kit Kat have been recalled as there is a risk they might contain pieces of plastic, and there’s me thinking that a Kit Kat is one of very few everyday necessities that hasn’t been plasticised (e.g. car headlights, kitchen chopping boards, noodles as in Pot Noodles – I’m sure you get my drift!), although I’m sure they are smaller than when I used to buy them as a child!! 

And finally!

After our long journey back from the UK after our stint in the Pet Shop (watch this space!), my profound thought of the moment!

“The hill is steep but the summit is near”

as I climbed our steep staircase and sunk thankfully into my own bed, there’s nothing like it!

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So, there you are, just a little something to make contact and reassure those of you that have missed me, that I’m still here and functioning “normally” or should that be just as mad as ever!!